Love and marriage and debt
Shakespeare coined the phrase “Love is blind,” but if Shakespeare was around today he might be inclined to switch that up to “Love is blind, but not if you have a boatload of debt, in which case love sees that business and needs you to take care of it ASAP.”
The evidence against love’s blindness? A recent poll conducted by the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC), which found that a majority of respondents would have serious reservations about taking on the debt of the person they love.
- 37 percent would refuse to get married until their partner’s debt was completely repaid
- 10 percent would get married, but would not help pay their partner’s debt
- 7 percent would simply end the relationship with an indebted partner
The remaining 46 percent of those polled were willing to get married and then jointly pay off their partner’s debt.
It makes sense that consumers are, in many cases, putting their emotions to the side and considering the implications of assumed debt. Financial strife has always been one of the leading causes of discontent within relationships. It’s human nature. Too much debt or too little money puts us in a vulnerable position. It makes us feel unsafe and safety is one of our primal motivators.
So finding yourself in love with someone with sizable debt or obviously poor money management skills puts you in a tricky position. The heart says, “Yes,” but the mind says, “About this credit score…” Because in addition to creating feelings of potential danger, your partner’s money problems are going to have a real, tangible impact on your joint life together. As a couple you might find it difficult to buy a home or car. You might have rental applications rejected and face higher insurance premiums.
Does this mean that the 7 percent who would walk away from a relationship because of debt are right? Not necessarily. Here are the keys to making it work.
- Communication. If you can’t bring yourself to talk about money (especially money problems) you’re just asking for trouble. Keep everything out in the open. Make money talks a safe place to voice your concerns and do your best to really listen to your partner.
- Compromise. Your attitude towards money is very rarely going to match 100 percent with a potential partner. Be open to making slight alterations to how you use and view money – but just make sure that your partner is equally open to change.
- Commit to improve. Don’t make the mistake of convincing yourself that you’re right and your partner is wrong. You’re just different. And, frankly, you can both improve. So commit to identifying where you’d like to be as a couple and work towards that goal together.
Love and money will always go hand-in-hand and financial baggage can be heavy, but recognizing and addressing your differences will go a long way toward making happily ever after a reality.